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My father having recently become aware that yes, he too is made of the same stuff as us lesser mortals is theatrically making a big deal about it and making these baseless assumptions about how if he has health problems too that must mean he must therefore also be dying and so he is redoubling his efforts to control my every waking moment... telling me what he feels I should like and think and what it is I should want to go be doing even more than he ever has before.  I'm not a carbon copy of him and so... this doesn't work. It does get "in my head" and rattle me though while I am attempting to do things.  Which is probably why he does it.  When he sees I am in the middle of stuff.  Yes, tells me which opinions (his) I ought to have, that the things I like and am interested in are all bad and wrong and that I should like the ones he tells me to (which are his preferences) instead and also that I am no good at anything plus he feels he is better than me at everything.  I'll try humoring him with "Uh-huh. Hmm. Yeah? That's interesting..." type generic half listening answers but it's still frustrating and eventually I explode about how... no, I SHOULD have some say in what it is that I think, feel and like and that he isn't the one who decides all of that... which is bad, because then he gets super mega ultra offended and takes it out on the rest of the family because he is angry at me.  Also my brother continues being physically violent towards me and my mother. I have to MAKE my father force him to apologize and then they both get mad at me... like I'm supposed to pretend a mentally retarded fella whupping his mother and brother any time he gets upset is fine and good. :rage:
My father is good at these.
One that strikes me as particularly odd is a financial one he does where he throws at me that because I am such a horrible human being for having supposedly cost him so very much money to raise that any and all earnings I make if and when I work from paychecks somehow ought to all go to him.

My mother has always been of the opinion that there should be a feeling of accomplishment you get from the tasks you complete and achievements you receive on your own from the sweat, physical and mental toil of one's own brow.  Dad would tell me that everything which I do manage should only be through his grace of allowing it or helping me and that it is alright for him to be proud of it as something which he did but, not, good heavens no (whatever simply were you thinking you silly boy to even entertain any notion otherwise?), something which I ought to feel any sense of personal accomplishment about.
When I'd protest that "but what sort of incentive then would there be for me in such a set up?" the man would angrily retort that I should just fuck off and/or die.

My father is a strange and not altogether pleasant individual who chooses to perceive others not being as enraptured by him talking about himself and his past as he himself is to be the equivalent to a type of bullying or oppression which he is put upon for having to evidently suffer through.

Though I intensely dislike the man I still find the notion of outright hating him to be conflicting.  On the one hand, he has told me several times to go kill myself. On he other, he is family and as my biological father in that sense sired me.  I do find myself increasingly embarrassed to be related to him though following these attacks, as I get older.  :shrug:

I apologize for emotionally spilling my guts on the page in such a fashion, venting and airing out my dirty laundry as it were.
  • Listening to: reflexive arguing that I must be wrong.
I do not know as much as I would like to about computer programming.  The way I would think of computer languages then is as methods of arranging tasks.  You order the small steps in a particular sequence with special formatting to have the machine go through a more complex process in an organized way. :hmm:
  • Playing: Legend of Grimrock
[I] have been working on my senior research project and fighting with depression issue crud.
What's up?

A few things at a time:

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 23, 2015, 1:07 PM
I've been rather the busy bastard, trying to improve my computer code knowledge (which continues to be a work in progress).  Research continues at a frustratingly slow pace.  I continue looking for work. Have been trying out free group therapy workshops offered by the university counseling center.

Continue with seeing my psychiatrist but also started seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy specialist (CBT is pretty cool: the idea behind it is you can retrain yourself out of  certain bad habits and negative thought patterns to overcome some of the hang ups that have been holding you back from being more positive and productive). I've also been playing quite a few computer games both on my laptop and iPad.
some of the ones I'd recommend off the top of my head are Tropico 1 + 2, and Shadowrun: Dragonfall on PC and Lego Batman: DC Superheroes  for iOS.  All in all some pretty great stuff imo.

On a related note to gaming, I had not before realized quite the text-based role playing potential of Google Plus has as a platform and was blown away by the quality and effort put out by some communities on it.  Right now I've been dabbling in Marvel + DC and the Dragon Ball Z Roleplayers groups.

On the social front,  a friend of mine from high school and her husband are trying to talk me into going to our ten year reunion... I'm not sure if that's a good idea since she is one of the few people I have kept in contact with from back then and bothered hanging onto.  I do suppose if it turns out to suck I could always just walk out. Think that it's in May.

I feel like something of a social failure what with having turned 28 and still having yet to have an actually nice girlfriend.  It doesn't help that I have little to no idea of where to go generally to meet people my own age to socialize with, let alone a woman interested in some of the same types of things as myself, that's true.

Feel the shackles of time! Time is running out... Have to hurry up and finish things that are important to have done toward obtaining my degree!
I also took up drawing a little bit again, trying my hand (and thumb and occasionally stylus) at using virtual charcoal through ASketch..

  • Reading: HP Lovecraft: The Complete Works

Twenty-Freaking- Eight!

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 8, 2015, 11:59 AM
Oh man, does that mean I'm an old fart now?
I find my skills as a storyteller have sharpened but am still struggling through trying to get to where I would like to be in understanding of computer science (specifically comp bio) and game design.
Tried to integrate it into my student research by looking into evolutionary algorithms and we'll see how that goes as the semester wears on.
Math, my former nemesis... it seems can also make for something of a sexy mistress? The younger me would have been possibly somewhat horrified to make such an admission so I would admonish the youthful teenage set of readers to tread carefully.
How the :censored: }bleep!{ _____[expletive deleted] are you all doing?!

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  • Reading: DK Books DC Comics Visual History Updated Edition

Civil Wrongs:

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 2, 2015, 3:00 PM
You do not have the right to:
Steal another person's property which they had earned from working and the sweat of their own brow.
Take it upon yourself to decide to end his or her life.
Impose your limited view of morality upon another somehow because they have a personal habit which you find repugnant... when said habit does not affect other people.
Have legislation passed which allows you to have sole dominion over a specially sheltered market share that is not subject to the same competition forces as other businesses via exclusive contract (god I hate when companies do that... it's bad enough they get government contracts establishing these in the first place but why should we as taxpayers be paying to support their little artificial fiefdoms when it is obvious this will not create more jobs or be of benefit to the whole of society... paying for them to hurt us more :rage: ? ).

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A thought piece:

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 2, 2015, 1:39 PM
One can think of transhumanism as the opposite of luddism. A transhumanist is equal parts futurist and existentialist (Careful, your philosophical roots are showing past the dye job!).  Unlike a luddite, transhumanists believe that integrating as much technology as we can into our lives is a good thing.
Instead of a doomsday/looming apocalypse, they talk about a singularity.
What is a singularity?  Well, they aren't talking about a quantum singularity. Rather, transhumanists are referring to technological singularity.
When the amount of developments in disruptive technologies and occurrences of cross/inter-disciplinary field discoveries accelerate past their threshold levels, things (psychologically, socially, politically, etc.) pass an event horizon.
See, post singularity, the old divisions in society may weaken (or strengthen, depends how we go about it really) as new ones emerge and either we, as a whole and a species (as well as citizens on this earth + wherever else we decide to colonize, but that's a digression for now) redefine what it means to be human and what becomes possible, or utilize it for our own further advancement in ways that would not have been thought possible in times past.
Whoo, technology, big and shiny advanced technology!

This will contrast sharply with doomsaying spiritual types, especially if people use this furthered integration of technology into our lives to bring one another closer together rather than divide them (that and to do cool superheroic type things I guess?).  Like the spiritualist though, a transhumanist may divulge little bits of philosopho/psycho-babble about an awakening, coming new age or renaissance.  Understand the differences.

What do I mean by accelerating past threshold levels? Well, think of it like this... if things progress in a linear way this presents a rather two dimensional view.  If they progress exponentially though, now you have capability to produce a 3D picture!
It's all about breaking barriers. Not the sound or light barriers but other more nebulous barriers such as the speed of thought or limits on calculation speed, in a literal sense.  In a figurative way there are political and social barriers to weaken or shape.
That's my take on it anyway so chew on that or shred it to line + stick in your pipe and smoke it ... and dissect at will. Enjoy!

There are subtypes :shrug: of course:
:bulletgreen: Some people concentrate on the medical/biotechnological progress side:
:pills: Nootropics aka the drugs that enhance human performance: > Oh say, synthetic steroids for strength and height, stimulants to sharpen reflex times, depressants to deaden pain.  We already use them to correct problem conditions to allow for closer to normal functioning in affected individuals, so granting access to these tools to larger society as a whole would have a similar effect to disruptive technologies.
> If you can use advanced knowledge of genomic information to correct a problem in utero before it has time to get serious or you can go even further beyond that seeking create a person with superior endowed senses, then why the hell don't you? Designer baby got you in an ethical tizzy? Don't be such a puss!
> When it becomes available/possible to have surgical and pharmacological techniques which directly lengthen the lifespan or improve human physical capability, let's dive in.
:bulletred: The machine camp:
> Bionics, mechanical/biological integration to computers and such all to go beyond the current natural human limits.  Exploring uncharted territory within ourselves... perhaps the grandest adventure of all?  As well as having significantly less travel expenses!
:bulletyellow: The socio-political:
> Globalization has shaped and driven many changes throughout the past few centuries leading to this one.  Well, in a similar way technological singularity is going to redivide territory, shrink boundaries and weave the fabric of our daily interactions. These progresses already do but one can suspect that in the future they will even MORE!

Example scenario: Say you wake up one morning to find out that self-determining artificial intelligences suddenly became a thing.  Saying that it's going to change the landscape of a ton of stuff would be something of an understatement.  If it's going to be a fixture in post-post-modern life then how you integrate it into your daily routine (or don't) is going to become of some importance from a quality of life perspective.

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An exercise in conspiracy theory:

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 23, 2015, 2:44 PM
It occurs to me that the details of Alan Turing's death are shoddy enough in the right places to have possibly been doctored by MI6.
For one thing, people who commit suicide don't typically have freshly penned grocery and to do lists for what they plan to do the rest of the week at the site of their death instead of a suicide note. For another, there is some general disagreement about whether the death via cyanide absorption was purely due to inhalation due to proximity with his DIY home gold electroplating kit or from accidental ingestion of a chemically laced apple.  It would not be a big stretch to figure Turing's well known daily snacking habit would be something to include in a dossier. :sherlock:
Also, there was never any chemical analysis done on the apple.  His body was cremated (which is rather convenient since ashes are much harder to run analysis on than an embalmed body). Presumably the apple may have also been cremated but that is a trivial detail since even were it not it would have long since rotted away it being now decades and decades since his demise.

What I think may have happened is he was assassinated while living in house arrest and undergoing his sentenced chemical castration.  A prominent thinker as well as item of significant security interest coming out of the closet in those days was strongly frowned upon, afterall.  The cover-up of the details then would have been to save face.

Generally, when there is only one official forensic autopsy done which is by a government agency and it is not possible for the public or independent parties to conduct subsequent ones because the remains are afterwards destroyed, this gives one pause.

Next Week: The fate of Tesla's long lost Missing Death Ray perhaps (No I don't know where those blueprints went but I have a bit of a rough idea of what had happened to them!)? Hint: Discussed is the possibility of the intelligence agencies of multiple countries conducting covert operations simultaneously on it at the time, and then not too surprisingly, bungling it!

I had been internalizing my father's consistent negative feedback, was what was going on when at the time I had thought it was an inward withdrawl (away from dating) due to weariness from being rejected over and over.  It is far easier to draw the conclusion one is unlovable and should therefore not bother trying than to acknowledge the uncomfortable state of affairs for family dynamics which is, I do not want to go out because it makes my father angry.  It makes him angry should anyone like me because that contradicts the messages he gives me that I am, as he puts it, "worthless" and goes against his expressed contention that he is the only one in the house whom any females are supposed to 'like'.  He is not a young man, he is an old man, and that uncomfortable chronological observation getting made manifest that I am not a small child but an adult child shatters said diseased fantasy.

I have been told in no uncertain terms that he feels no one should like me.  I have also been fed messages of how to him I am not supposed to be good at anything and there are times he has screamed at me how I am "nothing without" him. :roll:

When growing up in a household with a narcissistic parent, as an adult you often find yourself questioning your own self worth.  

There is also a developmental milestone you must reach in this scenario.  One which people in "healthy" families don't wherein you realize it isn't in your best interest to conform to the [mentally] diseased parent's negative expectations.
My dad has taken to screaming at me to go fuck myself and that he feels I ought to go to hell as a retort when he does his revisionist history number claiming he didn't do or say the awful things he said or did in order to avoid having to apologize when I go "but you did/do it all the time."

I don't particularly like that he feels he is entitled to continuously put down the other people he lives with and know that despite his out-of-proportion tantrums wherein he goes from 0-60mph in terms of umbrage, that hello, verbally threatening physical violence to try intimidating the other person into adopting your skewed views means you know the argument is flimsy and you can't logic your way out.  I don't care about the physical intimidation but the threat of financial abuse is worrisome as I am not capable of financial independence just yet.

I am saddened that he is such a stupid and petty tyrant that he gets off on putting everybody else down, and also that he likes metaphorically shitting all over everybody else's projects and ideas.  That is how he chooses to live though and there is no changing him.
Dan Slott: Although he can be a bit of a flamebaiting curmudgeon from time to time, he handled my criticisms during Big Time and Superior in a fairly respectful way... it probably helps that I didn't call him any names, too. I like when he puts bits of his process, such as plot outlines and storyboards up on his Twitter feed.

Christopher Yost: This guy is quite down to earth and personable, and he gets my respect for the way he handles Kaine, mostly; I like what he did with the character.  Did you know he's done his hand/fair share of TV and movie writing as well? Neat.

Marc Guggenheim: I feel like this guy is seriously underutilized.  If you look at the mini-arc he did part of during Amazing Spider-man that was right before Grim Hunt during The Gauntlet, he had this rather complicated secret flashback reveal take on an untold bit of the Clone Saga showing that no, Ben Reilly was not perfect as a human being, despite being a physically perfect carbon copy of Spider-man.  He also portrayed evil degenerating Kaine in an interesting way that made him scary, which is how a villain leaning antihero is supposed to be! Bring back Damon Ryder as Raptor too while you're at it! That was an interesting villain!
I haven't played Mecha Galaxy nor made any new stories for it in over a month and am wondering if my guild kicked me off due to inactivity.  I've been going through a lot of IRL crap and am working on an independent study project involving computational biology... but still! :frustrated:
It dawned on me the other day while my dad was screaming at me like a blooming idiot, and was spitting and foaming at the mouth, that perhaps the reason he hates me so much is because I am smarter than him.
I like women just fine.
They however, do not typically feel that way toward me.
This would be because: a.) I do not have a car,
b.) At the present time, I do not have a great job,
c.) I live with my parents.

What seems strange to me (funny as in odd, not funny as in haha) is that even when they themselves lack above mentioned components A-C, they will still exhibit the overwhelming tendency to judge you, the male, negatively for not possessing said status objects.

The first isn't completely impossible to remedy,
The second is more nebulous and the third seems outside the scope of the realm of possibility for the time being.
Do I resent womankind as a whole for it like some sort of neandertal-esque moron? NO!
Does it make my potential pool of dating prospects quite limited? :depressed: YES!


Reasons why: > Damned interesting
> Getting hugged and kissed can feel amazing... although that was a long time ago (and let's be frank, who the hell knows when or if the next time I'll get to experience that again might be).
> The process of dating itself, the picking out of activities to do together in an attempt to get to know bits and pieces of one another in an attempt to determine a degree of further possible compatibility... :blahblah: this in itself can actually be a pretty enjoyable thing.  I say can be because there are a few limiting qualifiers that are rejoinders to this generality.  These are: a.) It's not as enjoyable when you are broke (since EVERYTHING, just about pretty much EVERYTHING you may want to take somebody with you to is going to cost money).  B.) Some people are so full of drama that they try to make going with you to a movie or to a restaurant to share a meal, to the cafe to talk over some drinks, etc. into a bad, high stress experience rather than a pleasant activity.  C.) Other people's parents can be highly prejudiced and give you shit for going out with their daughter based not on your treatment of her but other superficial crap that shouldn't really matter as much like... oh, your perceived socio-economic status (how much money they think you and your parents make), skin color, family's religion, and so on. 

This is all assuming you actually can find somebody who would be amenable to going out with you, which in of itself can also be mindnumbingly tricky, depressingly frustrating and an overall bleak endeavor.

Other possible complications can include the following: Your asshole father hits on your date (which no, she is not going to find charming thank you, but will definitely for sure come across as creepy), puts you down in front of her (thanks dad!), or makes you out to be some sort of unemployed, incompetent loser in order to scare her away.

On a less your own family hell based note, there is the matter of all the ridonkulous hell your date's family will put you through, for daring to assume you might possibly be good enough to be going out with him or her, without the parents having been the ones to have preselected you! Let me explain that a bit further: You can also be given all sorts of inappropriate grief about supposedly not being good enough to be with their little princess because you happen to have a disability (so glad to know that we are living in such enlightened times! :sarcasticclap:), how long you might be taking to obtain your degrees/certifications or why the hell haven't you managed to become the owner of your own company for fuck's sake and if so, why is it only a company of its given particular size instead of larger?
See, people's parents are kind of greedy icky curmudgeons who through generations of brainwashing have worked it into their piggy little reptilian hindbrains that who you go out with and may possibly in some fluke maybe decide to settle down with, this does not get to really have to do with what you find interesting in a man or woman thank you very much. No, that doesn't matter to them. What matters to these parasitical worms is how much of a free ride do they perceive being able to hitch off you and your family if you happen to go out with their special prince/princess... how much goodies are there to be ransacked, what status by association is to be gained, and most importantly, (the ever present) WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK? :faint:
So... I got steamrolled by the pacing of this course I'm taking when I walked in and that was the crystallizing moment for me that I probably am not quite completely ready for independent living just yet.

Also, living for a year by myself in a town where I don't know anybody or have any friends kind of ratcheted my social anxiety up to 11. So yeah, going back to my hometown... and going to focus on my research (for once! GEEZ).
Old men who think simply because they are older than you that somehow irrationally makes them correct, and who will stubbornly argue that you are wrong in something that is your field of expertise or even though they are wrong and it is something they personally genuinely don't know fucking anything about (the way you can tell is it becomes increasingly evident as you listen to them, based on what they state about said thing or position the longer you listen to them go on about it ;) ), simply because you are younger than them... They also tend to be particularly awful about this when the person is a woman or child. Seriously, dude, I'm younger than you, but if it's something in my chosen field, and you're arguing with me, and it is a subject you don't know shit about, and the thing you are arguing you are right about and I must be wrong for thinking because I am younger than you is stupid level wrong, arguing harder doesn't make you somehow more right... It makes you into an asshole.

Girls who think simply because they have a vagina you should want to automatically be trying to please them and be giving them things that they want/like... Okay, you aren't really a queen or an empress, and even if you are really pretty on the outside, being a stuck up bitch about it isn't going to win points with anybody who has an active brain, Amirite (IKR, srsly)?

People who don't see the problem in choosing to use their freedoms of speech and expression to limit the freedoms of speech and expression of other people. No asshole, ballyhooing that people are impinging on your right to pursue whatever bizarre disturbing you fancy to be attention grabbing or trendy political viewpoint, lifestyle, etc. is not an effective smoke screen to cover your ass from that you are bullying people. :cough: Not to me.

Conservatives where when you disagree with them think the retort you should "get out of their country" is a valid way to end an argument. Look, okay, it is highly fucking presumptuous to assume that everybody else shares your exact views, let alone that you are somehow in the magical thinking irrationally based position somehow (God only knows how you arrived at such a self-important conclusion) to be speaking for an ENTIRE nation's worth of people.  Oh really? Have you polled and asked them, did you collect sample data? No, you probably didn't, you just enjoy listening to yourself and may have frequented a forum of other likeminded assholes to your particular bias enough to delude yourself into mistakenly assuming that every other person who is good, reasonable and possessing of his or her major faculties would be in agreement with you.  That's a frigging big and ill-founded assumption! :frustrated:

Next comes liberals who push moral legislation to force other people to live in a way they feel is best or correct. Assholes. Who in the name of sweet Californian Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein do you flipping think you are to be presuming what is the one true good path for an entire populace to have to take? Research the stuff first before ramrodding your stupid feelings based opinions onto everybody else, think about the possible long term effects it is going to have on society and if it even WILL help out the stupid environment FIRST, then go telling people what to do, ok? :rage: Fucking SHEESH.

The blue collar working class proles I grew up around, for repeatedly asking or insinuating if I was maybe like some sort of homosexual or whatever because in their limited capacity they can't wrap their heads around a guy who has a brain being able to like chicks :facepalm:.  I guess what bothers me about that is it doesn't necessarily go away when you stop being a kid, some of my more white trash seeming extended relatives are still doing it to me, to this very day!

Religious fundamentalists... Okay, look buddy (and I am using this term extremely loosely), if I get irked when people do that crap for little dumb shit like politics, do you seriously want to open the you think you are one of the few and only chosen to have right and position to be speaking for the entire rest of the universe as well as God, particular can-of-worms?  That just takes the cake as a whole new level of above and beyond special jerkassery! :sarcasticclap: Nice job.

Which nearly brings us to the next group in my list, violent gangs: You stupid shithead, there is bound to be a special place in hell for the type of douchebag who thinks harassing travelers, attacking individuals while in a pack/posse and killing other dudes just because you don't like them is a legitimate expression of machismo in their day to day life.  Why aren't you in jail already? That or eventually getting shot/stabbed and left for dead to bleed out in the gutter of a slum because your dumbass gets betrayed when a deal or job goes sour are the only ultimate futures for those sort of careers in crime.  That's kinda a severe glass ceiling, don'tcha think? 

People who act overly childish by choice despite being full well able to act like an adult when they feel that the situation fits (typically, if doing so is to their own advantage),... Retaining or choosing to exercise a childlike sense of wonderment about the world around you is one thing, and a good one at that.
insisting on acting like a child to present yourself as supposedly pure and innocent when you are well into your late teens, 20s, 30s and beyond, to be obnoxious, since you think you are like, this teh total perfect master manipulator and everybody else therefore must = a herpaderp is the kind of childishness I'm talking about.  Look, you are a grown ass man/woman, throwing tantrums and passive-aggressively creating chaos when you don't get to have things be 100% your way 100% or more of the time is not cute. Nor is baby talking at somebody purposely mispronouncing words the way a little kid would thought of as particularly attractive the majority of the time... Unless you are saying it to an actual infant, kthnx.  Also, I know some of the people who do that may be doing so as leftovers from a survival mechanism because they grew up in an abusive home where you'd get actively punished any time you acted independently of your overbearing parent(s), but in the Real World, you don't need to be doing that too in order to survive, and for gods sake please don't act surprised and hurt about it if you persist in doing that in your interactions and are wondering why people generally don't tend to take you seriously.  Don't fucking immaturely take it out on the rest of the world and anybody unfortunate enough to bump into you that your homelife wasn't Leave-It-to-Beaver or The-Honeymooners enough.  That isn't our goddamned fault! :roll:

As a corollary to that, having sex between a pair of consenting adults, the choices to smoke or drink, enjoying horror movies, these are things that are bad when you are a kid.  As a grown up you should probably just get over it if you don't like that there are other people who happen to like some or all of these things.  Come to think of it, that also can be the case one can argue in favor of for several types of pornography, smut, erotic literature and art, etc. :laughing:
You are a grown up now.  The reality is these things are a part of adult life and the choice of how to deal with each one, these are mostly individual decisions. How you choose to live your life and what you do to get some rocks off or relax and enjoy naughty whatever in the privacy of a closed bedroom while behind your own home doors is not the entire damned community's business to be Judgey McJudgerton prudes about, so long as it doesn't involve keeping live prisoners as for real personal slaves chained up somewhere completely beholden to you for food and water or the abuse of children or animals, possibly also including things involving desecration of the dead, then goddamn enjoy yourself (and while you're doing that, leave me the hell alone too, ok? You Goddamned WEIRDO).  I support the right of people to enjoy getting to be a bit freaky, as long as they are mature enough to get when it is and is not appropriate to be that way, and grasp that we don't all share all the exact same fetishes as they do.  Try not to act grossed out on finding out that your neighbor or friend is into "some different stuff" than you. Be flexible, you can expand your mind and who knows, pick up a thing or two to spice up things in the bedroom arena between you and a lover because some of that stuff out there, you can be pretty fucking damned creative.  I've only ever had two real life girlfriends, and neither of them were exactly shining examples of being sophisticated in that regard let alone terribly open or supportive about exploring any of that stuff, so my experience IS limited but intellectually and conceptually I get how different types of intercourse COULD BE fun and that a willingness to explore that stuff with a romantic partner can be used as a good tool to enrich the relationship (duh). :facepalm:

Yes, there are people who aren't afraid to enjoy sex. No matter how much you rant and rave how evil you think that is, you can't turn back time to uninvent birth control, condoms, etc. because there will STILL be people who ARE more comfortable with exploring their and other people's bodies than you who will do all of that stuff anyway.  So you know, none of this abstinence only bullpuckey. What Century is it that we are in?  If you choose to personally abstain or have preference of "waiting for the right person", :roll: or "saving yourself for marriage" then cool story brah, and as a reasonable individual I am going to respect that about you, but stfu with the crap about how everybody else around you should/has to/had better be that way too or you think God is going to get mad, send out plague-apocalypses, open a rift in the mortal world that is an opening mouth of hell and/or society is going to collapse because you are so blasted sure every sexually active nonmarried person or doing for recreation reasons instead of solely for procreation couple is 115% sure damned straight going to Hell. ...

Now I have to pause and take a breath because the sex one was longwinded.
Where was I? Oh yeah,
I also can't stand people who give you a long series chain of commands for duties and or tasks to carry out then while you are still in the process of carrying those instructions out, attempting to follow it to the best of your ability, Lord Lady Dumbass takes it upon him or herself to interrupt you from it, mid task to ask you why/how come it is you haven't done something else which was totally not on the list of stuff they gave you.  :megaphone: That is because you haven't shut up and let me finish the first list of stupid things, stupid, and if I stopped doing it to do that completely different other thing you'd remembered at the last second, then I wouldn't be doing as you'd asked, now would I?  Either you are deliberately trolling me when you are doing that, or you are too incompetent at sequencing to understand people can only do a certain number of tasks at a time and still do them to completion, meeting to your satisfaction.  Endlessly being mentally yanked from a bit of this to a bit of that to oh hey do this thing over here, no, now I want you to do the other one, but how come you didn't finish the other other one... is about as mindnumbingly frustrating as it is exhausting to deal with.
fuck off and chill with the ordering people around, oh would-be-supreme General. :lol:  If I become frustrated and make it evident through tone of voice during situations like that, or take you aside from your zeal of giving rapid directions of carrying complexity at breakneck speed, then I am "being mean.". It hurts your feelings and you should like me to feel bad for doing so.  :sarcasticlap: My mom does this to me during instances when she gets drunk; when she's sober she tends to be a bit better about not doing it too much/often.

Narcissistic paranoids: these are the ones who act like and express the opinion they are in constant fear when going outside, interacting with people, meeting new folks, etc. that they are self-important enough to warrant exercising a constant anxiety ridden vigilance because freaking everybody is out to get/rape/steal from/arrest/kill them, for whatever fabricated reason.

a. This is insulting to people and really considered to be incredibly poor manners and b.  Chances are, for most people, you really aren't important enough for everybody out there potentially wishing illwill toward you to pursue doing said horrible nightmare things to.  Everybody else, they probably don't care or have reason to notice who you are. Try to let it go...
This is a first world problem, being so scared of a news report on a thing you saw about a single crime occurring in isolation or some dramaticization of it you heard one time that everybody has to be personally out to get you, personally.  Not a whole lot of people even know that you exist, and unless you give them good reason to want to, aren't going to,  sure there are a few psychos and jerkheaded bullies, the occasional deranged violent loonie but those AREN'T everybody, so get a grip. You don't KNOW everybody, so all that this attitude is going to accomplish is you won't enjoy yourself and will miss out on a. Metric shirt on of new experiences.  Might happen to you? Oh please! If it was happening to you, that would be legitimate but if you're idly sitting by worrying that you think, from your privileged position of luxury that it MIGHT POSSIBLY happen to you someday, and therefore your only recourse is to always be afraid of everybody and to never dare to ever go anywhere or do anything... Then it probably isn't happening to you.  Please come back when you have a real, actual problem going on which you would like people to help you solve, and don't waste a friend or relative's time with made up things to worry about, ok?  They aren't all automatically always going to be out to get all the time, specifically you, all the time, just because you saw/heard about something bad happening somewhere to someone else and it grabbed your imagination due to how grisly the thing in question was.
I didn't make a New Year's Resolution this year.  Not because I think myself to be perfect and not needing of areas to concentrate in improvement on but because my usual one, to swear less, I typically find myself to wind up breaking partway through the coming year each time I make it.

I don't meet people very often.
Making a resolution to try and change some of that seems pointless if there isn't an idea or plan to go about how on enacting steps toward that.

I recognize this as Being of the same category of thing that is preventing me from resuming dating.
I feel that it would be pointless to resolve asking out girls more without a plan of attack as it were in order to go about doing so in a more er, intelligent? Planned out? Manner.
As I've no idea which strategies to use to go about finding a girl who would actually WANT to go out with a boy possessing my own particular talents, I have repeatedly come up against the depressing realization due to repeat observation that the more unremarkable and generic a fellow is, the more likely he is to successfully attract the "average" girl.  Like attracts like, yes?
Well, that is rather unfortunate then because where do you go to find the type of person to go out with who actually likes that you are interested in science and art, for example?
I feel that the real brainiac and hardcore inventor is Steve Wozniak and that though he is celebrated and despite his passing away from cancer a few years ago that if you take away all that hype around him Jobs was more the marketer and sales genius.

I am an adherent in belief in the theory of multiple intelligences but would be willing to wager that in terms of sheer general IQ points data-wise when you crunch the numbers that Woz holds the higher intellect of the two.  If you don't believe me look into some of his old pet projects such as Wheels of Zeus, a personal company that specialized in (among other gadgets) novel applications of wireless GPS technology way ahead of its time for stuff like tracking chip collars for people's pets and "find it" transmitters to put on keychains for looking up where it is you've misplaced your car or house keys. Apple computer bought him out on that in order to shut WoZ down inherently because IMO they felt threatened and it was to prevent the potential of receiving competition from one of their own people.

This isn't the only example of Apple doing this either I suspect.
You might say their corporate behavior is somewhat shifty.

I might if given the opportunity very much like to get to meet Mr. Wozniak someday.  After all, there is a street named after him in downtown San Jose, "Woz Way".  I find him to be the much more interesting individual of the two, in that despite lacking Jobs's business acumen, Wozzy as a technologist appeals to me from a scientific perspective; it is the body of his inventions that is impressive.

Anticompetitive dickery aside, another thing I dislike about Apple's approach to things is the way which they are always sold on the market so goddamned expensive.  I checked online and this little 16GB iPad. I'd won retails for $399 (USD).  As another example, I went to the Apple online store to look into those little plastic external carrying covers people use that fold into a stand to prop up their iPads and they had the gall to expect people to shell out $40 for one. :ohmygod:

The walled garden software approach toward an iDevice's software environment is also a mixed bag. :facepalm: On the one hand you are much less likely to catch a virus when free roaming cyberspace and casual computing on a Mac, true. However, on the other, it makes coding things for one a pain in the butt.  Apple has a very certain way they like doing things and as a developer, particularly a third party developer, having to adhere to all their unique proprietary standards to get a stamp of approval you made your application be 100% Apple friendly seems unnecessarily Byzantine.
This is why I was cracking up during the Flash vs. HTML5 debacle that rocked the blogosphere late in Jobs's life.  Neither Apple nor Adobe had much validity to claim they were being proponents of "Open standards", yet each side recognized it as a popular buzzword and had their industry leaders spouting it.
You see one of the last actions of the late Steve Jobs was to condemn Flash and decide from that point forward Macs should go Flashless.  What was going on was Apple and Adobe were going through the process of renewing or initiating a deal and the Apple folks didn't like the terms Adobe wanted.
This seems a shame because Flash Studio in its earlier versions when packaged with a Mac made for an awesome authoring environment (Part of me would like to think it was Steve Jobs's cancer talking when he made that decision rather than the man himself).
This wouldn't be the only time bruised egos caused Apple to break off and go its own separate direction rather than compromise though.  There is an earlier precedent.  you see, Apple and Microsoft have had an at times precarious relationship that has had its rough patches.  One of the most noteworthy of these would be when Apple had the silly idea that even though the majority of the computerized workforce has an overwhelming tendency to use iterations of Microsoft Office that this was no good for Apple users.  They were better than that.  Using the same thing as almost everybody else for multimedia presentations to make slide shows because it is ubiquitous and universal was a weed polluting the fruit of the walled garden. So, Apple temporarily tried making its own slide presentation program to attempt at competing with PowerPoint, which is why on some generations of iMacs the files are saved in a weird ass extension that nobody else's computer can read very well.

I do not have iTunes and am generally opposed to owning an MP3 player.  It is for a philosophically different reason than why I am one of the few people who has consistently from day 1 refused to join Facebook though.  If you really must listen to an MP3 you can totally do so on any "modern" computer.  What I take issue with is the necessity of being plugged into listening to your favorite songs all day long everywhere you go.  To me, rather than being a status symbol illustrating your material wealth that demonstrates a spiritual poverty, since you are tuning out the world around you, not listening to the sounds of your environment when outside and ignoring nature. One isn't going to notice birds and other animals if you have your earbuds in.  Also, it can be a little dangerous.  I like for example as a pedestrian or person on a bicycle, listening for the sounds of oncoming cars when I am crossing the street!

On the bright side, Apple products can be a whole lot of fun to use.  I remember my first computer being a hand me down Macintosh LCII given to me by my mother.  The many hours which my beither and I spent playing games and looking at educational multimedia CD ROMs on her PowerPC (weird name but that was the model of desktop Mac that came out before the iMac series), taking full advantage of its at the time powerful multi speed CD ROM drive (it sounds ridiculous now but in the 90s how fast your CD drive was a big deal and determined which games you could play on your machine; I seem to remember there being double, quad and 6x speed drives as well as an elusive 8x speed drive used in particularly high end machines... but by the time 16x and 32x speed CD ROM drives came out nobody cared anymore).

Quicktime is delightful and there is a virtue in using an Apple for its capabilities as a desktop publishing platform.  I like both Macs and PCs.

Though the languages used in coding things for a Mac tend to be powerful and allow them to oftentimes get by remarkably well with fewer hardware resources (I suspect this may be from some aspect behind a quirk to how they utilize memory), to return to the doublebladedness of a walled garden system environment these are not the ideal codes with which to always run/build everything in all situations.  One may note with some bemusement that in this regard the walled garden would seem to also possess a glass ceiling and that perhaps it is a greenhouse.
It's... strangely more counter-intuitive than I had been led to believe by other people.  Then again, that's probably because for years and years I was using mostly Windows and the occasional odd bit of Linux crud instead.

I'm not a big fan of Apple products but as long as it lets me read ebooks, play some games and look at deviantArt then I guess it's ok.

Also, my finger is strangely grease repellent and so by extension touch screen aversive. :doh: