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Taking a medical pathology course there. Small town, will be good place to bang out a lot of writing, etc.  Need to get furniture for apartment... got in; the waitlist was really short so I guess somebody else dropped or got queasy/wussed out.  Again, smallish town, lots of :sneeze: trees.

Temporary move, just for a semester.  First time away from home since two weeks of Space Camp when I was little. -_-;
  • Watching: Mystery Science Theater 3000
My greatest fear is that I'm unlovable and nobody will ever 'like' me.
Since I was a teenager I've mapped out every nifty and interesting place it would be cool to take a girl out on a date locally where I live but getting people to want to go out with me was a task and a half.  What was particularly obnoxious to me were the people who said yes when they actually meant no then stood you up, making like it was your fault and you were the jerk if you called them up to ask if something came up instead of magically guessing how it was they felt inside but refused to express. :unimpressed: Jesus Christ, just say no.  It's an important skill to develop early on and will serve you well later in life. Sheesh!

I like strange weird stuff and enjoy learning new things.  This is regarded as bizarre and freakish generally causing a sort of revulsion in the majority of prospective dates I had attempted to go out with over the years.

My father thinks that I ever went out with anybody at all is aberrant but my mother keeps reassuring me that I'm not exactly hideous so maybe someday eventually I might meet somebody gutsy enough to not mind or even possibly like some of my 'eccentricities'.  I doubt this as I get older and older yet that status quo remains unaltered.

The very last person I'd gone out with I've remained friends with, seeing as she seems to be the least insane of the people I have gone out with thus far and in general a pretty alright person who I would not mind being friends with.  We talk once in awhile,... just about stuff.  Generally I just feel never really liked by anybody.
These people give me shit about being fundamentally different from them in certain key although superficial aspects and are inflexible; that is, they are not willing to overlook these things.  With such immaturity abounding (a few were racist, the majority ignorant or at the very least rather uncultured and possessing rotten manners) in the dating pool my prospects for finding someone to go out with are looking pretty bleak.

Feels bad that dad took my money.

Several of the places I'd applied for work over the summer either never got back to me or gave the classic "don't call us, we'll call you" soft-rejection.  Now summer is almost over and I'm essentially no further ahead than I was at the beginning in that regard.

I feel that my father is wrong and that a social life is not likely to spring spontaneously out from nothing when the time is right.  I figure it is something that must be built and cultivated much like other aspects of one's life.  If I am to never get any practice in (as far as he is concerned) then that would serve but to perpetuate the vicious lonely cycle.

Anyway yeah, that's some of my ol' moody brooding.  You guys are already familiar with that though.
enough about me, how the heck are all of you?
I can think of one unintentional piece of good advice my father has said about writing (although at the time he was speaking of his own writing in order to encourage himself; he's never really been much for encouraging me in any of mine) and it was this: It's good to write what you know.

I don't write romance because the relationships I had were much closer to horror.  I do write science fiction because that is what family and being around my relatives feels like.  At least that's how I'd explained it to my mom this morning in a dry and sarcastic way over tea & it got her to chuckle.

Meeting Stan Lee in person at that BigWow Con a few years back with reivax was a sort of a turning point for me in a way.  It was one of the things on my bucket list.

I think another thing I would like to get a chance to do eventually is go to one of the various science-fiction and horror writer conventions.

I was pleased to find out the small forested rural town to which I may be transferring this Fall through a cursory google search appears to have possibly been home to a science-fiction writer during the 1980s.

Some more idle and morbid musings:

:bulletblue: When people lose weight from consuming artificial sugar instead of the real stuff, could that be from the tumor they are developing eventually being excised? :skullbones:
:bulletblue: One fetish which I feel I shall never particularly understand is hierophilia... which is where religion and focusing on icons, etc. really gets a person off.  I mean intellectually I guess I can sort of get how that would arouse some people but it just isn't my cup of tea.

:bulletblue: Also, while still on the subject of religion, people who go on and on about the Rapture and supposed nearing of the "End of Days" due to mankind's folly have always struck me as generally at least a touch bit too melodramatic ( :sarcasticclap: Oh, something that other people in society do which you personally disapprove of makes you upset so you lecture good, honest hardworking people and passersby who have families of their own to mind after that you think God is going to punish us all for the things you personally think of as the worst sins.  :unimpressed: Do everybody a favor, put a cork in it, step down from your stupid soapbox and try working on yourself, eh?).  Give all the other Christians a bad name when you act out like that.  Scaremongering jackasses... :roll: I've always tended to be of the school of thought that being a Christian was more about "being a good neighbor" than it was about screeching at people they will eternally roast in a pit that has a lake of fire.  What sort of hierophilic crack are these people smoking :sarcasm:.

To think that at one point I almost quite nearly was engaged to one such horrid fundamentalist and a narcissistic one to boot (and with such putrid manners) still causes my skin to crawl (her deal was she insisted early in that I had to promise to want to marry her before she would continue to go out with me, except then she still made a big overdramatic mess of it and acted out badly anyway :facepalm: insisting I was somehow not good enough for being not a virgin, or some such malarky, like that matters so effing freaking much more than the type of person that you are and things you do :puke:.  She'd also spin around everything I or my family would do to interpret it as being somehow sinister in motivation, for more drama of course :sarcasticclap:... not the most mature sort, that one).
I believe :cough: that I was so lonely for human companionship or some sort of attention from a member of the opposite sex my own age, in addition to being desperate for some attempt at what is outwardly considered a "normal relationship" that I was willing to overlook and put up with a good deal more abuse than perhaps other more average people would have stood being handed.  Personally I care much less about the state of a person's virginity or not than about how it is they treat other people around them.  :hmm: In other words, a jerk is [still] a jerk whether they have "experience" or not.  That is the point I was driving at.

In case you were wondering... in terms of the science-fiction and horror stuff and converting my game writing to a format more suited to dA, I'm in the process of throwing together sort of an introduction to Mecha Galaxy, its universe, "rules", technologies and timeline(s) to submit to Scifi-wordsmiths.
  • Watching: Tales From the Crypt marathon in my playlist
Browsing through Plenty of Fish the profiles left me quite disappointed at the number of girls who said they did not like horror.
Don't you know that stomaching a little bit of stuff that is unpleasant or scary is essential to being a mature and well-adjusted adult?
Well, at least I'd argue that.

Don't be a baby.  I feel that not liking horror is an okay attitude to have as a small child but that as teenagers and adults we should ideally by that point at least know better.

There are many different types of horror so it's not all going to be slasher gorefest grossouts or mental breakdown nightmare hallucinations...
Personally my favorite subgenres are creature feature and psychological horror.  The large overarching theme behind a lot of horror is that they tend to be dark-ish morality plays.  See, the bad things that happen to characters are usually due to them having broken certain taboos of moral decency, etc.
I do find the ones where killers go after sexually promiscous young people to be rather heavy-handed and trite... but the thing is... you usually don't feel that bad for horror movie characters because they are intensely flawed individuals with few if any redeeming characteristics... like say it is the greedy asshole in a gothic horror piece who buries someone (oh perhaps a cousin or their wife who happens to be the heiress of a fortune and just so happens to conveniently have named you a beneficiary in their will) alive... then you don't feel so bad when he or she gets eaten or destroyed by that person's zombie later or if they go insane from the guilt of trying to keep their secret of having killed someone from getting out.
Or in cosmic horror, some d-bag academic or explorer decides it would be really fucking cool to use a forbidden tome to conjure up some demon from another dimension because he foolishly thinks he'd be able to control it when hello, entire civilizations were crumbled each time that thing gets summoned.  You broke the seals, stupid... time to become abomination food!

There are many different subgenres of horror, and among these is bound to be at least one which appeals to each of us.

You must learn to not take everything you watch or read so very personally my dears.  The ability to do so I believe is what makes embracing horror be enjoyable for those that do so.
See, horror is a socially approved release valve to cathartically deal with the icky parts of humanity that we spend the rest of the time usually doing our best to pretend are elements that are never present.  Through handling it theatrically in extremes and absurdity, yes.
Another way of looking at horror is through the interpretive lens of negative social commentary.  Intellectually one can take it apart and go: Okay, what is it that are the things we are afraid of and why?  <- then, you can use this framework to observe how not all countries and cultures have 100% universally identical ingrained fears.

In fact, in Africa there were folktales of a monster which in the night supernaturally steals or shrinks young tribesmen's penises.
In the past in Victorian and Edwardian times when mortality rates were much much higher than they are today there were fears of being buried alive by accident or on purpose.
In The Renaissance and Industrial Ages, fears of being poisoned, stabbed in the back and worked to death respectively took the forefront of the public conscious.
And our friend, the vampire, ala Count Dracula et al, he is the offshoot of xenophobic invasion literature, the personification of fear of immigration.
See, Count Dracula is shipped in a box from Transylvania... and proceeds on arriving in "the new country" to "infect" everyone, changing their appearance and manners + customs, through the theatrical filter of changing people into monsters and having powers of hypnotic control.  He steals away people's wives and lovers, right? And the infected could be interpreted as those who are foreign influenced... so then it is the goal of those who are trying to slay the vampires to preserve their native culture. ;P  Doesn't make it right, and romanticizing it in such a way is still ugly, but taking an attempt to understand this way of thinking helps one "get" the authors of the old stuff a bit better I'd say.

To me, Frankenstein's Monster is less a warning about improper use of science and technology and more a parable about the dangers of improper parenting.
If Doctor Frankenstein had really wanted to, he could have gotten over the revulsion he had over the nature of his creation and raised it as his own son... even teaching it right and wrong... ;P  We find some amount of sympathy towards the monster because his father the doctor is an artificial God. There are no others like Victor's monster and he is the only one of his "species".  Is not his adolescent frustration at his creator's refusal to create a female of his new species so that he can have a mate understandable?  It does not excuse his running around the countryside killing people, but does add an extra dimension and layer of nuance to the monster's behavior; That fundamental difference or 'differentness', having been constructed of parts from different dead people,- what makes the monster horrific to us, would probably not seem as freakish to another who was "built" the same way.

The monster doesn't have much (or any) friends... I think in some incarnations the closest he had to such was while residing for a time in a shed by a farming family's fields during which he was treated as a drifter and started picking up how to read? It's been awhile since I've read Mary Shelly's seminal work, her "modern prometheus."  I do believe she had another story in addition to this, less well known, about an alchemist who succeeded in granting himself immortality then over the succeeding ages got very bored, apathetic and jaded towards his inability to die and consistent outliving everybody else around him.  It could have been an adaptation of a poem or other older short story by someone else, maybe a play even. I will have to look into that.

Perhaps our most modern fears will lead to new folklore monsters who can supernaturally cause electrical power outages or play social media havoc on our online identities? ;P
Gremlins were a type of small monster devised in WWII "with the power to cause machinery (such as vehicles and military hardware) to malfunction or fail" by dwelling inside them.
Freaking. W00t.
Due to some sort of a billing error my gaming account got temp banned... for a whole week right during the middle of a tournament.  >_< You know, on the platform that has that game on it which I do the reviews of and stories for where they pay me?  :slamhead:

:( I was making so much headroom with those science-fiction serials, so it feels weird to be kicked out of a thing where I was getting along with most people and they were really digging my stuff.

Could not have hit at a worse time.
I'm waiting to hear back from the billing/accounts receivable, etc. but since it's after 6PM they've all gone home.

And I get paid tomorrow too, but I don't think they can pay out to accounts that are suspended or banned... :roll: so I think I should talk to my editor who knows the gamewriters' accountant and maybe he or she have some ideas on what to do.  I've been a creative powerhouse for these guys since I started playing Mecha Galaxy and they liked my stuff so much the devs were talking about implementing some of my stories into actual levels of the game or a for real boss event. :censored:

Tried calling the platform company, no response. Their office hours are 6AM-6PM. Ffff...
The game developer's office is after hours too. :upset:

It helped me get my mind off dad bullying me and women never liking me... :frustrated: to craft up entire worlds and vast multiverses of stuff with those people. :rage:

So then I finally got an answer back from customer service and accounts receivable and they wanted my parents to answer because they wanted to know what was up with there being three separate debit numbers in my transaction history and I went: Oh, that would be me and my two parents from when they bought me some stuff on my birthday and for christmas.

Mom said: alright... and was prepared to help me out. Then when I took it to dad he was like: :devil: NO, I think you spend too much on these stupid games and that's why you are in trouble so how about I don't answer the billing people to help straighten out the accounts receivable glitch and they just BAN your account permanently and that'll sure show you (It'll also ruin your fledgling science fiction thing you're doing and I WIN). Then he stomped out.
<- I hate my father even more now. :dead:

Update: Also, apparently Robin Williams died today.  So it's like wtf, double whammy.

Oh and then one of my exgirlfriends... her mom (whose english is a little choppy) called me up twice in a row. I didn't immediately recognize the number so I called it back to hear who it was and then recognized the voice, told her sorry but she had the wrong number and got hung up on without so much as an okay goodbye.  Bad manners, that whole lot.

I'm going to listen to an HP Lovecraft audiobook now, thanks and try to figure out which furniture to bring to my student apartment. In a totally different city. :| ...Where I totally don't know anybody.
I don't like how this Congress set up affordable healthcare and having a robust space-program as an either/or...
that's a false dichotomy that relegates us to pseudo-third world status. :frustrated:.

And,... all that wire tapping doesn't sit too well with me either. Nor the trying to exert being "world cybersecurity police" with copyright enforcement... although, that has more to do with specific government agencies involved in the enforcement arm of the laws and less to do with the Executive Branch specifically.

I wonder if Congress will ever bring back the line-item veto? It might prove useful as a weapon against pork barreling. :shrug:

My mom is a republican... and she isn't exactly a Bible freak.  She does make a big deal about other people having the right to express their own opinions* as one of the basic defendable American freedoms though, even if that opinion does happen to be obnoxiously LEFT :cynic:.  *Mainly in the form of that people SHOULD have the ability to have freedom of choice; If people make the wrong choices, then they should live with the consequences that are the natural result of those choices.

My dad on the other hand is one of those stereotypical democrats who fusses and fumes about military involvement in things but also has entitlement issues and as it turns out had military parents, which afforded him a lavish postwar travel filled lifestyle growing up (which I find somewhat hypocritical).  He also thinks that there is some inherent duty for authorities to guide society along what he views to be a "correct" path and would probably prefer massive amounts of censorship of the things which he personally disapproves of or dislikes.  As in, he thinks when people make the wrong choices it is the society's fault for allowing people to have made those "wrong" choices.

The other day I realized and pointed out, much to their chagrin that they had the same stance when it came to the issue of drug control.  They each separately had agreed that decriminalizing certain substances would massively reduce illegal demand for those drugs on the black market (thereby making it less profitable for criminals) but would also raise taxation issues once they were legalized like the laws and regulations involved in alcohol and tobacco sale.
You know how Tigerfog has been doing a Doujinshi manga of the ninja turtles for a number of years now titled: MNT Gaiden?
Well, I know it's supposed to be sort of a post-apocalyptic dark future what-if take on the adult lives of the turtles but... what doesn't sit well with me about it is why did he have to go the cliched route of using a tired trope by making the science turtle Donnie go evil-crazed?

I'm sick of science always being the horrific badguy.  Now, okay I can see why to advance his story he choose to do that, and it works, but would it have killed the guy to try a slightly more science-positive approach?

it's been bothering me for awhile like oh since say circa 2008(-ish?) so rather than just bitch about it I decided I'd try to conceptualize what a science-positive not so evil adult Donatello would be like and will submit a piece of artwork depicting it soon.

That and being moody about getting dumped at the time cost me the friendship of a penpal I had back then but dammit, other people have got emotional needs too and friendships are a two way street, even virtual ones, so it's not like you can reasonably expect somebody to always listen to you vent and rant but to not have them want you to listen to some of their gripes too once in awhile in exchange. :sarcasticclap:

Over the years, this would be the first of many encounters I'd have with girls who happened to be of the school of thought that a woman expressing any and all of her feelings and opinions at any time was perfectly fine but that a man having feelings much less expressing any was fundamentally wrong (particularly if some of said feelings are in any way negative or bitter).  I could likely spend days detailing exactly how and why I've been seeking a romantic partner who acts her age and also isn't averse to horror movies at length but will spare you guys. :facepalm:

Anyway, possible discussions about that aside, the main reason I put up this journal is to remind myself to throw together a concept drawing of a science-positive Adult Donnie that isn't trying to just make monsters or bring the dead back to life via cloning + Dr. Frankenstein stuff. :laughing:

Let's make it different:
-> Scouter style eyepiece has already been done, so has google glass like goggles,... so maybe go with some sort of tech-y looking visor.
-> No labcoat... but probably cargo pants and/or toolbelt for various tools and smaller gadgets.
-> Replacing the bo staff with a pipe has already been done so perhaps go with some sort of a Swiss Army Knife style series of end attachments capping at least one end of the staff.  That or sliding insulated handles ... and a method of electrifying the pipe (so that it could still be articulable but also go zappy zappy!).
-> Cybernetics for an older Donnie were explored in Peter Laird's sketches on his Blast From the Past section of the old Mirage Studios website around the same time he was promoting Planet Racers... while interesting to consider as a possible option I think I'd go with a lighter level of cyborg augmentation than was suggested for Donatello's "further mutation" in the ideas for the scrapped Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV which New Line Cinema was at one point discussing the possibility of.…
Trying to come up with a way to convert my game writing and science-fiction serials + horror short stories to a format best suited for dA.
Also trying to decide what to take with me and leave behind for when I move to an apartment for a semester to study disease pathology over at Chico...

Any of you like moldy old classic horror films I found an adaptation of The Color Out of Space from 1965 in full that has Boris Karloff in it:…
  • Mood: Mesmerized
Lately I've been plagued by nightmares.

My father has grown more paranoid and mishears things I say, interpreting girls names out of it when that is not what I have said then demanding to know who they are.  He's also taken to snooping through my phone's text messages demanding to know who the people messaging me are which has basically forced me to be more disciplined in erasing everything at the end of the day.
He's like :roll:, worried I might have resumed dating or worse yet have a girlfriend again (Yes, as though at the age of 27, such activities and relationships were something completely unheard of).  And also, has been at it about how he thinks I'm a loser who SHOULD NOT have any friends.

It's the whining that he thinks I will never find a job and that he will have to get one for me plus how he thinks I will never get my degree that are the most irksome, however.

The prospect of dorm life this fall is looking better and better, I have to say.
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Electric Six
So I heard about this thing called a virtual girlfriend (vgirl for short) that was designed with lonely people in mind...
To the best of my knowledge computer AI isn't sophisticated enough yet in any known instance to hold full blown conversations where a program has its own insights (even vgirls) but you can get it to behave in such a way that it will pretend to be listening...

They cost money, and I think some are fairly sophisticated. I'd imagine you can tinker with their voice and appearance.
If you'd asked me awhile ago what I thought about the idea I'd say I thought it would only appeal to desperate losers.
However, I've had such poor luck dating that if I could afford one, I might (:?) consider it someday. Yes, I did see the movie Her.
And yes, I think Krieger's holographic comedy relief anime/hentai "waifu" in Archer was probably a reference to vgirls. :lol:

I also heard some guy in Japan tried to marry his vgirl... and am not sure how that would work. Would the priest say something to the effect of: With this memory card, I thee wed?

My dad is on my case that he thinks it is bad I have friends and go out sometimes on dates.  :roll:
I explained to him that it isn't that often I do things with my friends and that I only ever go out every once in a blue moon (which, stung... and immediately afterwards I realized I'd walked into a conversational trap. Self-sabotage is go! :slamhead:).  He tries to pathologize everything I do.

I'm a nerdy guy, I don't need those kind of constant blows against my self esteem from him but his dumb ego is so big that he perceives anybody else doing or getting to have anything (instead of it all always only going to him) as a threat. :depressed:

[I'm] Transferring to a dorm this fall. I hope they have high speed internet.  May have to web proxy in order to stream.  Campuses tend to be more restrictive of the kinds of sites you are allowed to look at. :roll:

The downside to a computerized companion in my opinion would be that since it is already pre-programed to like you, I feel like that's sort of a cheat and takes the challenge out of it.  Doesn't exactly count as a "true relationship" if you build it from a box and don't have to develop it from the ground up in stages... :shrug:
Most of the time, girls don't even want to give me a chance though* so if one of these days in the not-too-distant future, you see some old pervert talking to his watch or taking a blinking sexbot that has simulated emotions to the movie theater, out dancing, etc. remember the humble early 21st Century nerd. :headache:
Also, to me the notion of having a bot that is designed to like you still smacks of egotism to a certain extent. :bleh:

*Many is the time my attempts at dating, both online and the traditional offline type, have resulted in an urge to want to crawl into a hole and die.
I also feel like that trite aphorism about how There is somebody for everyone has an unsaid part in parenthesis which goes (except you).
Revisiting the vgirl concept, a few of the advantages to having one would be dad can't scare her away and "she" probably isn't going to care if I'm broke or not, have my own car or an apartment or not, etc.
Disclaimer: Yes this journal is a teaser/bumper to shamelessly self-advertise/pimp & hawk the science fiction short stories I've done for GameCraftsmen.

Actually, more closer would be the year 3299, since that's the millennium and decade set Mecha Galaxy takes place in.…

I've published a bunch (more than 30) articles for the Galaxy Gathering Blog on Blogspot to enrich the lore of Mecha Galaxy, a social media online game Syfy Channel Games licensed this San Francisco based Indie developer GameCraftsmen to make.  It's sort of a spinoff of the Syfy channel's reality show from last year Robot Combat League (Season 2 may be premiering towards the end of this year... I think).

There aren't hyperdrives, and basically Earth got so polluted following that advent of a near future placed WWIII and a few other things that civilization has taken to space.  By the time the 3200s have rolled around we've already been in space for a long time, with permanent colonies and space stations.  Also, technologies have changed and the discovery of alien artifacts have enabled utilization of these sort of warp gates powered by ridiculously powerful electric batteries.  Politics are somewhat mercantile, even neofeudal and it's a scramble for dominance of space trade routes as the powers that be explore the edges of this galaxy and the other surrounding ones gate by gate.  People battle in mecha, which yes, are totally cool and really customizable from the weapons to the cockpit, chassis, engine and shields.
Thanks to the bulldog like determination of my editor and cowriter, the devs are now entertaining the idea of basing a new level or boss off of one of the stories I've done for their game (:D). I get paid for the serials and reviews in vouchers which can be used to buy premium virtual currency in the game's market, so they aren't dollars but still, that counts as a type of payment :lol:.
Anyway, I threw together two different interpretations in Hero Machine 3.0 of what my character might look like which I'll provide links to below:
Myco by scholarwarrior-ladMycobacter by scholarwarrior-lad
Mycobacter is a former genetic engineer from Mars of NeoAmerican family origin whose outer layer of skin is in symbiosis with bacteria that were hybridized with recovered ancient alien DNA (which is what gives his skin the pale, off white grayish tint).  He likes to tinker with the loadouts of his mecha and belongs to a clan that are a combination mercenary and martial artists.  They have their own sort of a giant robot karate/mma fighting style and a "Mecha Bushido" philosophy.
Lucha Libre is an interesting Mexican take on professional wrestling. 
What I like about it is it lends itself well to the culture of comic book superheroes.
Especially when the wrestler is of the masked variety, enmascarado.  There's the kind of theatrics you find typical in North American prowrestling like team ups and grudge matches that have kayfabe backstories but what makes a luchador like a superhero is they maintain a secret identity.

Two well known luchadores are El Santo and Azul Diablo.
Was going to have a date today. She called me up at the last second to cancel. Work emergency. Said we could try to reschedule. Didn't get back to me about when.*

:hmm: I feel like girls never really like me much.

Geeked out watching Stan Lee's Cocktails with Stan vlog from World of Heroes, a Movie Macabre Elvira marathon on Hulu and writing stuff for the Mecha Galaxy editor.

Online dating and offline dating are both rather disappointing.  What I'd like is somebody to go out with. What I generally end up with is somebody who texts and you can text back for awhile and makes a bunch of empty promises ...until she gets bored and decides she doesn't like you anymore or that you're "just too weird**." :roll:
Fuck that noise. :unimpressed:

Made smoothies last night with little bits of leftover fruit from my mom's cocktails and some stuff in the back of the freezer.
Life is pretty much shitty and rather lonely as is par normal and I'm still getting surcharged and penalized to death at my father's bank (I deposited $238, spent about a hundred over the course of the month and it gouged itself down to $25.25... I am really starting to dislike Bank of America). 
He :puke: tried pushing the I should move into a dorm but only if he got to move in there with me (no fucking thanks, you aren't a college student and are totally a control freak so thanks but no thanks, you bastard) mindfuck again too.

*She turned out to be a phoney too. They always try to make you out to be the badguy when you ask why they aren't making good on their promises. :iconlesighplz:
** I have a bit of a hard time understanding the reasoning behind this because in almost any other context it's that little bit of weird that makes people cool and interesting. Why would you only want to go out with a guy who is super extra normal? That sounds boring. :frustrated:

Starting to get too effing depressed to get out of bed much again.  I do make myself get out of bed to talk to my mom a little bit in the morning and do some chores but take most of my meals into my room or the garage and keep reading and drawing.  Trying to get my mind off the lack of people.  It isn't working very well though.

Talked to one of my friends. Things between him and his girlfriend are going sour, and through his understatement and euphemisms it sounded like she was putting him through kinda the emotional meat-grinder (hey, I've been there!).  He's a little eccentric like I am so I told him my best bit of advice in those situations which is run, don't walk.  That bit of gallows humor elicited a chuckle out of him.  :hmm:
Here's the thing.

Every so often after enough times getting burned I'll consider deleting my online dating profile but then right as I'm about to delete it there will be one or two people who sound just so bloody interesting or amazing that I don't pull the trigger because f*ck it, I'd like to talk to them a bit to see what they are like.

What I typically end up doing instead is tearing apart my old profile and rewriting it from the ground up shorter, more cynical and somewhat more sarcastically than the previous incarnation.
Ever since I was thirteen I thought that having a girlfriend might be pretty cool.

I'd still just like somebody I could take out to things and with me to stuff.  Apparently this tends to be a recipe for ridiculous over the top psychodrama and passive-aggressive bullshit.  I wish I could let it go.
Nope. Still straight.

I like women.  They tend not to like me.

Ask people out. Get rejected. Ask some more. Get rejected more. Some pretend to accept you. Don't believe it for a second.  Dead inside.  That I am a guy scares people.  I had no idea that just wanting to go for a cup of coffee and to have a bit of a chat was apparently so objectively terrifying.

This is garbage. My female friends don't act this way, so why is it when I am dating girls think they get some sort of a pass to behave in this manner?

I just want somebody I could take to stuff who doesn't make a big huge deal out of it.  Dating shouldn't have to be like pulling crocodile teeth.  Why is it so bloody herculean?

Brutally honest stuff I decided to put in my profile after the last snafu:

Fun trivia: I don't have a criminal record and have never gone to jail. I will expect to be treated as a potential criminal though by say your parents for being the jerk who "came from the big scary Internet" and is daring to try to date their baby girl (and who is probably not someone they personally would have handpicked!).
I don't smoke and rarely drink. I don't mind if you have some piercings or tattoos but I don't because I do stuff with chemicals and electricity often enough that it would be a hazard. I don't care too much about what religion you have. Atheists are also welcome! If you say you like Jesus okay good, fine, that's alright but if you start lecturing me about End Times stuff then no thank you.

About the worst thing about me is sometimes I swear but I've been working on doing it less and will make a conscious effort not to in front of children and old people.

I even put together a how-to for dummies about how to have a good first date:

Luke's tips for a sane time going out:
Protip: Just be blunt up front and *honestly* tell me if you'd like to go out with me or not (seriously!). It'll waste less of your time and less of mine.

For a first date, I'd probably opt for something small like a basic chat over a cup of tea or coffee at some cafe for a start to see if we have any common interests to try and bond over. Don't worry, it will be casual. Just wear clothes! Sheesh (try not to overthink it).

If you're nervous then bring a friend. Follow the basics. Call somebody to say where you'll be and for how long because it's meeting somebody new.
Make sure your phone battery is properly charged before setting out.
If you want a parent to be a chaperone during the date to be "extra safe" then I'm totally okay with that. I know how to act around a person's parents.
A cafe is a basic because it's something in a public place where if we don't gel then we don't have to see each other again and it's no big deal. Very easy to disappear into the crowd if everything goes sour.

Just try not to be an overdramatic twatwaffle and everything will be hunky-dory.

If you want to have a second date we could probably go to a museum or see some sort of an art gallery opening.

I don't want a fwb or a "hook-up". This part usually scares the crap out of people but (wait for it) I'd like some female companionship. You know, if there's some physical affection or you want there to be during the relationship I'm not stressing because let's face it, cuddling and a hug or a kiss can be kind of nice. Especially if you know the other person has had a really shitty day. But be sensible and don't even bother asking about sex right away. Go slow ok? We'll take things as they go, a little bit at a time.

I prefer texting to calls because my cell plan really sucks but if we get along okay and can really trust each other I may give you my landline and we can talk sometimes through that.

And then the crickets started chirping.

(6/24/14) Revised Online Dating Profile:
Do you pass my test? I'm looking for somebody who can behave herself in public and I could form a nice solid relationship with who doesn't mind that her boyfriend would be a bonafied art geek and unapologetically a sci/tech nerd*. I'm the type of guy who goes who cares what the other women look like, it's the one who I'm on a date with who is automatically a notch above the rest (because I'm going out with you, not them - sheesh).

Apparently I'm a pretty decent writer and I started getting paid for some of my science-fiction short stories.

I like to draw, tell jokes and act a little bit sometimes.

*I've done genetics research and possess a minor in chemistry. My ultimate long term goal is to break into and climb the biotech/pharmaceutical corporate ladder & someday, possibly to have my own R&D firm; developing next-gen/future medicine, today!

Fun trivia: I don't have a criminal record and have never gone to jail. I will expect to be treated as a potential criminal though by say your parents for being the jerk who "came from the big scary Internet" and is daring to try to date their baby girl (and who is probably not someone they personally would have handpicked!).
I don't smoke and rarely drink. I don't mind if you have some piercings or tattoos but I don't because I do stuff with chemicals and electricity often enough that it would be a hazard. I don't care too much about what religion you have. Atheists are also welcome! If you say you like Jesus okay good, fine, that's alright but if you start lecturing me about End Times stuff then no thank you!

About the worst thing about me is sometimes I swear but I've been working on doing it less and will make a conscious effort not to in front of children and old people.

I like to do stand-up material during open mic night at bars and clubs... because it's fun! The same way some people have fun singing stuff during karaoke. Mainly it'll be observational, absurdist, pop and bits of political humor.

First Date:
Protip: Okay, here comes the ugly part: I have a dash of autism. It makes me a bit emotionally dense, so I may not always automatically figure out your feelings very quickly every time and I'll ask stuff to make sure I'm getting it right during the times when I don't. That isn't to be an insensitive monster but is because I'm genuinely confused. Emotionally hot cultures tend to be the least forgiving of this.
If you want to be helpful: Just be blunt up front and *honestly* tell me if you'd like to go out with me or not (seriously!). It'll waste less of your time and less of mine.
Otherwise, my policy on rainchecks and rescheduling is I'll give you a three strikes rule. Once is reasonable, by the 2nd or 3rd time though I figure something's probably up so I'll probably ask you about it. I'm not psychic, so I'm just trying to figure out whether stuff came up for real twice or you're being a lying sack of crap by the third time. That's a fairly generous margin of error, right?
An autistic person is a bit like a Vulcan, to put it in Star Trek terms. Sure we've got feelings too but we aren't super great at analyzing them in others so when in doubt, logic out.
For a 1st date (if there is one), I'd probably opt for something small like a basic chat over a cup of tea or coffee at some cafe for a start to see if we have any common interests to try and bond over. Don't worry, it will be casual. Just wear clothes! Sheesh (try not to overthink it).
If you're nervous then bring a friend. Follow the basics. Call somebody to say where you'll be and for how long because it's meeting somebody new.
Make sure your phone battery is properly charged before setting out.
If you want a parent to be a chaperone during the date to be "extra safe" then I'm totally okay with that. I know how to act around a person's parents.
A cafe is a basic because it's something in a public place where if we don't gel then we don't have to see each other again and it's no big deal. Very easy to disappear into the crowd if everything goes sour.
Just try not to be an overdramatic tw*twaffle and everything will be hunky-dory.
If you want to have a 2nd date (and you didn't decide to run screaming the opposite way on realizing that yes, other people are not exactly the same as you in every way) we could probably go to a museum or see some sort of an art gallery opening.
I don't want a fwb or a "hook-up". This part usually scares the crap out of people but (wait for it) I'd like some female companionship. You know, if there's some physical affection or you want there to be during the relationship I'm not stressing because let's face it, cuddling and a hug or a kiss can be kind of nice. Especially if you know the other person has had a really shitty day. But be sensible and don't even bother asking about sex right away. Go slow ok? We'll take things as they go, a little bit at a time. My cell plan sucks so text me or call me on my landline
Still plugging along with those bioinformatics modules.

Not sure if I'll have all six issues of Advanced Iron Man and Advanced Dr. Strange out in time for the June 26 deadline.

I've got 3 down for Advanced Iron Man with ideas for what to do in Issue #4 and two down for Advanced Dr. Strange with a start put in on the third issue.

As a bonus I'll be throwing in issue #1 of Advanced Ghostrider soon with those other ones but probably won't have all six stories of that one out on time with the other two titles.
  • Watching: MEGAS XLR
It gets to me sometimes...

Every time I get dumped or break up my dad gets this almost smug attitude where he expects me to give up on women altogether and hopes that I never want to date again.

He also thinks I should never have or participate in any extra-curricular activities and getting to do independent studies, even regular coursework from my research professor has been quite the drama-saturated and guilt trip ridden uphill battle for me.  Dad doesn't like that he wants to publish me and likes my technical + science communication writing.  My old man fancies himself a self-styled writer and likes telling me he thinks I suck, so outside third parties (such as college professors) telling me I don't kind of fries his goat.

He pretends to be "concerned" about my grades when he tries to verbally forbid me from attending events or derails me from completing assignments on my own.  I don't buy it anymore because of how angry he gets during times when I insist on doing homework on my own.  He's tried explaining that away as just being worried I won't be able to finish it on time left to my own devices but I find that his low faith in my abilities has a tendency to be very self-serving in its nature.  If that were the case and it was truly parental concern, he wouldn't then turn around and punish me for when I do accomplish or achieve things on my own.

The few times I do call him out on this behavior he'll first try to deny it, then rage when I stick to my guns instead of accepting his revisionist history version of what he feels went on and spends the next day or two whining at my mom about how mean I supposedly am to him and how if he had his way he'd have full dominance and complete control over me because that pesky free-will thing has got to go. :roll::headache:
  • Mood: Irritated
  • Listening to: Yasuyuke Okamura - Viva Namida
So, as usual, the United States Congress is shooting itself in the foot.

Who would have guessed that outsourcing our manned space program to the Russians wouldn't come back to bite us on the ass?

Well, as it turns out... our over-reliance on Soyuz rockets to send things to the ISS is a handicap.

Check this out... I get that we don't like Russia flexing their muscle in the Ukraine... but since the Ukraine is part of Eastern Europe anyway, well, our attempts to exert our "World Policing" shtick by telling the Russian Federation to back off down there are ticking 'em off.  So now their prime minister is saying they want to sanction us... from using any of their cosmonaut tech.  Gee, maybe outsourcing everything hand over fist to some guys we've never exactly been terribly close with in the first place was a super idiotic idea?

At the same time, Congress is punching holes in the long term plan to send Americans to Mars by the 2050s and is whining that they don't like money being earmarked toward developing any new heavy lifting rockets.
As a person who lives in one of the Space States (California is a major leading player in the aerospace industry and is home to many companies that manufacture rocket parts) I feel like supporting a manned space program would help create JOBS. Lots of JOBS (as in LOCAL JOBS). Hello, creation of jobs is something both the Democrats and Republicans on paper say they care about.  It's a nonpartisan issue.  Houston, guess what? We DO HAVE A PROBLEM. Florida, wipe the dust off Kennedy Space Center and Cape Canaveral, Hawaii, I know you guys have a NASA research station, and California, wake up and smell the overpriced Soy Latte.  Both coastlines have Space States and should be kind of at least somewhat irritated by this recent turn of events.

I get that the other States that don't have space centers or aerospace companies want to put their foot down and crush the American Space Program.  They've tipped their hand and made this point abundantly clear.  It doesn't pass their "So what?" test.  They don't see space agency issues as something personally affecting them.  Look buttwipes, :threaten: you like having satellite based telecommunications systems to be able to use your cellphones, right?  You can thank the space program you are trying your best to get rid of for that even being possible.  :rage:
Numerous advances in things from microcomputing to containers and instant prepared foods owe their very existence to the Space Program, and this is how we show our thanks?  Our very quality of life we've come to enjoy as consumers right now in this day and age is in a large part due to innovations that came from the Apollo and Gemini rocket programs in the 60s and 70s and the Space shuttle program of the 80s and 90s.

Commercial space exploration is trying to pick up the slack where it can but the whole political climate seems to be going: "Fuck space.  Who cares?"
Look, if you defund and privatize space exploration, then you've gotta take care of the backend stuff down the road.  Competition for service contracts has to be seen as lucrative.  Get your thumb out of your ass and jump on that we just pissed off our biggest foreign supplier of transportation/freight we use for the International Space Station.  Take advantage of this negative event to spearhead initiatives for something positive for once in your miserable bureaucratic and moneygrubbing lives.

I wrote a letter to Zoe Lofgren about it and am going to tweet Mike Honda at some point too.  This whole thing is stupid as hell. :headache:

You'd rather we go through another disaster ala the Detroit Automotive?
Look, this could help revitalize people and businesses who got hurt during that.
You could refit some of the car factories for making rocket engines instead and breathe new life into the American Industrial centers that were hardest hit by the transition to a post-industrial service based economy in the 2000s.

:dollarus: This is a tremendous opportunity people, and you can't expect to make money without expending some.  That's a basic lesson in business.:dollarus:
3 of my short stories based around the Syfy Channel game Mecha Galaxy which is a spinoff of their show Robot Combat League have made it into the game's anthology stories and lore section.  :D

I detail the retail service postindustrial culture of the "Old Mars Colony" and how they worked their way into sponsoring some of the participants touring their own circuit of the new Robot Combat League for a piece of the pie since as the game states, by the year 3000 robot boxing/prowrestling has become a very popular sport.
Most fighting whether military-wise or for sport by the 3200s comes to rely on multiton motorized metal death machines that are human or android piloted.

So the battles in mecha galaxy take a flavor that is a combination concept science fiction and blue collar stuff like destruction derbies, professional wrestling and monster truck rallies.

Here's a rendition where Thomas Dolby and Buzz Aldrin perform a duet.
Original music video from MTV2 (retrieved from Daily Motion):…

I don't mean to sound ungrateful or like some whiny pervo because I do appreciate my female friends but... it does get SEXUALLY FRUSTRATING to have everybody always only want to be "JUST-FRIENDS" with you all the time.  No, you can't Weird Science up a girlfriend via 3D printing but that does make me think of another zany and whimsical 80s mad scientist themed song:… <- couldn't find one containing the same music video outside of youtube, sorry.

I really hate it during family gatherings when relatives ask me if I'm seeing somebody special.
Me: :| "No." Them: "Why?" Me: :facepalm: (you only ask this just about every time you guys ask me that and I reply no, you'd think it'd be pretty routine for everyone by now): "Because I'M A NERD, GENIUS! MY GAWHD! @#$%&*^!!!" :slamhead: