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That somehow I'm supposed to be some sort of failure that I don't have all my degrees already (I'm shooting for medical degrees, those take a long time like oh about 10 years so 7 years and only partway through is the norm usually) and still live with my parents (yes, granted at 25 but the rent here locally is something like $500-700 a month for a one room studio with no furniture in the worst part of town maybe if you can sublet otherwise think more like 1000 per month). He decided I'm somehow just so very stupid must be it and somehow that I can't even write as he put it a simple paper* (because I had drafts and revisions and it took me more than a day, it takes more like a couple months to do something as huge as what I'm trying to put together ). At which point I tried to explain to him that open ended research projects were different and in fact I had written many papers before about many things. Told me I probably wouldn't make it to grad school... as thanks for my cleaning most of his garage and attic, scrubbing the kitchen and fixing his and my aunt's computers. & that my explanations were whining and to stop whining (I resisted an urge to ask him if he was quite finished talking out his ass yet or not).
He's also conveniently forgetting something... I do have a couple health condition problems and have a learning disability... so, yeah...
oh and he thinks that it would be a good idea for me to just work retail at a computer store instead of finish my science degrees (dead end retail work mind you, obamacare or no would not cover a healthcare insurance plan or dental)?
& that I was abused quite a bit psychologically as a child (and once in awhile physically; never sexually though thankfully) couldn't be it, it somehow had to be that my mother spoiled me too much.
Family sucks.
I am by now used to the idea that working on things makes people say they think you are stupid and/or worthless and suck at everything while you are trying to work on it.
So now I'm back home listening to my dad complain that he thinks the editor from the publishing house is an idiot for telling him to edit his manuscript and not just worshipping what he views as his sacredfartartform because how dare an editor do their job and tell somebody to you know edit. As in, make revisions.
So I could handle whatever ball busting my uncle threw since I'm already used to my dad doing worse. I just figure certain types of older males get all silverback gorilla and need to put down younger males to feel better about that they are aging or whatever. He could have picked other stuff though like that I've only dated a little and don't have a girlfriend or have self-esteem problems or self-mutilate or whatever but they always have to manufacture other garbage like that you have to be stupid and incompetent and that MUST BE IT. Yes, the reason why I got given extra curricular projects that weren't part of the coursework by my professors who think I am good at the subjects must somehow be because I suck. That HAS to be it.
I even carried his (my uncle's) tripping out ass up the stairs when he was hallucinating from being ill as a leftover complication of his chemotherapy.
Other than that it was okay though.
Apparently in his and my aunt's words, even though I helped them out with a number of things and all with a perforated ear drum I am supposed to be 'like some sort of a little baby' because molecular and microbiology + genetics, chemistry and zoology are supposedly not complicated (says who? Compared to what? Quantum physics perhaps?).
You're talking to a guy who discovered a couple of previously wholly unknown species of microorganisms during his junior year (every microbiology person will in the course of his or her work and study discover a couple new species though the same way as every career chemist will accidentally create up to a dozen new substances by accident just as side reactions off his or her main work and research per year), so it's not like I'm some sort of delinquent asshole.
*Protip: Summarize and put together a synthesis paper on the life's work of a guy who published a couple hundred articles in his lifetime while explaining in detail the transition by biologists from morphological (structural) systemics to a molecular based phylogeny for the standards in taxonomy during the course of the 20th and early 21st Century is not a simple paper. Basically if it wasn't for the widespread adoption of molecular based methods for DNA analysis to establish relatedness you'd still have different camps of jackasses arguing over bones. You need DNA studies to discern if things are related genetically or just evolved convergently to fit a similar environmental or ecological niche as each other. The latter being why they could have a similar bone or organ structure as each other without necessarily being related much genetically.
Update: After I left he pulled a 180 and says I was a good houseguest.
He's also conveniently forgetting something... I do have a couple health condition problems and have a learning disability... so, yeah...
oh and he thinks that it would be a good idea for me to just work retail at a computer store instead of finish my science degrees (dead end retail work mind you, obamacare or no would not cover a healthcare insurance plan or dental)?
& that I was abused quite a bit psychologically as a child (and once in awhile physically; never sexually though thankfully) couldn't be it, it somehow had to be that my mother spoiled me too much.
Family sucks.
I am by now used to the idea that working on things makes people say they think you are stupid and/or worthless and suck at everything while you are trying to work on it.
So now I'm back home listening to my dad complain that he thinks the editor from the publishing house is an idiot for telling him to edit his manuscript and not just worshipping what he views as his sacred
So I could handle whatever ball busting my uncle threw since I'm already used to my dad doing worse. I just figure certain types of older males get all silverback gorilla and need to put down younger males to feel better about that they are aging or whatever. He could have picked other stuff though like that I've only dated a little and don't have a girlfriend or have self-esteem problems or self-mutilate or whatever but they always have to manufacture other garbage like that you have to be stupid and incompetent and that MUST BE IT. Yes, the reason why I got given extra curricular projects that weren't part of the coursework by my professors who think I am good at the subjects must somehow be because I suck. That HAS to be it.
I even carried his (my uncle's) tripping out ass up the stairs when he was hallucinating from being ill as a leftover complication of his chemotherapy.
Other than that it was okay though.
Apparently in his and my aunt's words, even though I helped them out with a number of things and all with a perforated ear drum I am supposed to be 'like some sort of a little baby' because molecular and microbiology + genetics, chemistry and zoology are supposedly not complicated (says who? Compared to what? Quantum physics perhaps?).
You're talking to a guy who discovered a couple of previously wholly unknown species of microorganisms during his junior year (every microbiology person will in the course of his or her work and study discover a couple new species though the same way as every career chemist will accidentally create up to a dozen new substances by accident just as side reactions off his or her main work and research per year), so it's not like I'm some sort of delinquent asshole.
*Protip: Summarize and put together a synthesis paper on the life's work of a guy who published a couple hundred articles in his lifetime while explaining in detail the transition by biologists from morphological (structural) systemics to a molecular based phylogeny for the standards in taxonomy during the course of the 20th and early 21st Century is not a simple paper. Basically if it wasn't for the widespread adoption of molecular based methods for DNA analysis to establish relatedness you'd still have different camps of jackasses arguing over bones. You need DNA studies to discern if things are related genetically or just evolved convergently to fit a similar environmental or ecological niche as each other. The latter being why they could have a similar bone or organ structure as each other without necessarily being related much genetically.
Update: After I left he pulled a 180 and says I was a good houseguest.
A war for my soul:
My father having recently become aware that yes, he too is made of the same stuff as us lesser mortals is theatrically making a big deal about it and making these baseless assumptions about how if he has health problems too that must mean he must therefore also be dying and so he is redoubling his efforts to control my every waking moment... telling me what he feels I should like and think and what it is I should want to go be doing even more than he ever has before. I'm not a carbon copy of him and so... this doesn't work. It does get "in my head" and rattle me though while I am attempting to do things. Which is probably why he does it. W
Irrational guilt trips:
My father is good at these.
One that strikes me as particularly odd is a financial one he does where he throws at me that because I am such a horrible human being for having supposedly cost him so very much money to raise that any and all earnings I make if and when I work from paychecks somehow ought to all go to him.
My mother has always been of the opinion that there should be a feeling of accomplishment you get from the tasks you complete and achievements you receive on your own from the sweat, physical and mental toil of one's own brow. Dad would tell me that everything which I do manage should only be through his grace of allowing it
Programming:
I do not know as much as I would like to about computer programming. The way I would think of computer languages then is as methods of arranging tasks. You order the small steps in a particular sequence with special formatting to have the machine go through a more complex process in an organized way. :hmm:
Apologies for having been neither on nor in much:
[I] have been working on my senior research project and fighting with depression issue crud.
:reading:
What's up?
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Comments9
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A tough life for you, but I'm sure it will get better.